"There are parts of life that are so difficult and beautiful that we can hardly live through them."
I don't know if that is a Judy Cook original quote, but I'm giving her credit. It's the most accurate statement I can fathom right now.
Today was another difficult day. They're all starting to run together, really. I think its Wednesday, but honestly it takes me a few seconds to figure out what day of the week we are on at the moment. This morning I met Dad and Jason at the funeral home, along with Pam's sister and brother, to make her arrangements. Most of the morning was fairly easy - the gentlemen from the funeral home kept the mood light in all the right places. A lot of what we needed to do was sort of easy- filling out forms, listing names for the obituary, figuring out times, etc. That wasn't bad.
Then we stepped into the casket room and the mood took a dive. It's like all these tiny little steps that we have to take make it more real every second. Dad had a few moments in there as we let him decide what color she would have liked, which one he wanted to use, etc. It's hard to keep the mood light when your surrounded by caskets, really, but we managed and everyone was pleased with his choice.
Flowers, songs, arrangements...each little check mark brings us closer to the end of this leg of the journey. Tomorrow we will take a big step when we get to see her again, and then another big step as we receive family and friends for the visitation.
One step at a time, because there are parts of life that are so difficult and beautiful that we can hardly live through them.