Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Pastel flowers and chicks, oh my.

Is it just me, or is Easter starting to take over the world much like Valentine's Day? It seems I can't go anywhere without having pastel colored eggs and flowers thrown in my face. Perhaps I've not paid much attention to it before because pastel colors are not quite as obvious, like the flaming reds and pinks of V-Day. Or maybe it truly is trying to become the tackiest retail holiday. Even my local Walgreen's has a sign up that has a countdown to Easter. When did it become such a major holiday?

Easter is such a non-entity in my life that I am just ready for it to all be over. We don't celebrate it in any form. I like to dye eggs, but I could do that on any random Tuesday and it wouldn't matter. So to have all these ginormous stuffed chicks and bunnies hanging around is quite disturbing, nevermind the fact that I think I might be allergic to pastels. The only good thing about Easter I've found is the Cadbury Creme Eggs and Dove Dark Chocolate Eggs....neither of which I can have this year because my daily caloric intake does not allow for me to eat a bag of chocolate eggs. Oh, and if you're formulating some comment about how I could ration my chocolate eggs and just eat one a day or whatever, just stop now. It's not humanly possible to eat one dark chocolate egg per day when there is a whole bag of them laying there. Besides, they weren't made to be consumed in small doses - they were made to be eaten a pound at a time.

On a funny Easter note, let me tell you a little story about my friend Heather. She is deathly afraid of the Easter Bunny. I know, I know. She's actually disturbed by people dressed as animals in any form, but the Easter Bunny is by far the worst of the bunch. She and I were walking through the mall on Sunday afternoon and I had totally forgotten that the E.B. himself was there for photo opportunities where parents can pay $5-$10 for a crappy polaroid of their screaming child in the lap of a questionable adult who wants to have children sitting on their lap all day. Anway, we're walking towards the center court of the mall, which is where E.B. lives while he's at the mall...and apparently it was E.B. break time because as we neared the turn into the court area the E.B. himself turns directly into our path. Knowing the fear, I turned to look at Heather who had frozen in her tracks and averted her eyes as she was slowly losing all color from her face. I quickly grabbed her and we ducked into some store selling way over-priced body lotions and I kept her back to the door as the E.B. went on his way, probably to the potty or maybe to get a cigarette. I tried to distract her with some anti-wrinkle cream as I made sure the coast was clear, and then we headed back out into the mall continuing on a path opposite of the one the E.B. had just taken.

Why the Easter Bunny?? I don't know...perhaps it's because the E.B. costume hasn't changed in 40 years. Seriously...look at photos of the Easter Bunny when you or your parents was a child, and now look at a reent picture...it's almost the same costume and wild eyes. Look at this one...from 1954. This one is homeless. This is the portly bunny. Even this one, that's really trying hard to be cute, disturbs me. Holy cow, this one charges $26.99 for a photo! This little girl seems to be aware of the danger and wants out of this photo.

I must end with this one, because not only does the photo convey what i'm trying to tell you, but because this person's description is dead on.


Laurie said...

OMG I just spit tea all over my computer!!! I'm laughing so hard!! you are sooo funny!!! and right on!!

{S} said...

oh my gosh!! I'm officially disturbed by the E.B. and also disgruntled at A.G.!!

Anonymous said...

brandi i will have to agree with you on that one. Did you read about it on
beauty secrets site