How are you feeling?

I'm about to launch into a rant. I blame my pregnant hormones, and you have been fairly warned.

I get the above question 15 times a day. No one can just simply say "Hi." or "Good morning." anymore. It's followed almost immediately by "How are you feeling?'"

I always answer with a tight-lipped but polite "I'm fine."

I don't know if people just want pregnant women to feel bad, or they just want to hear us complain, but I see no reason to ask me over and over again how I'm feeling. First of all, I have had a very easy pregnancy and I am hoping it stays that way. Secondly, if I was feeling terrible and having all sorts of weird feelings and pains, do you truly, honestly want to hear about it? I don't want to talk to acquaintances about how weird it feels for my uterus to be stretching. I don't want to discuss on a daily basis how I can't get comfortable in my stupid bed anymore. I certainly wouldn't find the office or church or grocery store an appropriate place to discuss digestive issues, were I having any. So "fine" will be my standard answer, always. Consider yourself relieved of ever having to ask me how I'm feeling. I will not be offended, I promise.

I actually think that some other women want me to start complaining about something so that they can use that as an opening to tell me their own personal pregnancy horror stories. OK, so you lived through some fairly unpleasant. I get it. Roughly half the people on the planet have been through it or will go through it too. I don't really want to hear your story. Just the other day I was working out and one of the ladies that works at Curves came over to ask me the question. Look, I don't like talking while I'm working out. It's hard enough just to breathe at this point, and carrying on a pretty much pointless conversation isn't helping. So I managed to tell her "fine" and that caused her to launch into a 10 minutes story about her niece's pregnancy, including a week-by-week analysis of all her complications and illnesses she had to deal with. I was trapped....so I just kept working out and trying to focus on the music while she rambled on.

Is it wrong that I simply don't care? Because (insert Simon Cowell impression) if I'm being honest with you, I don't. If I have a specific pregnancy question, I'm going to ask it but probably not until after I've looked up the information online before bugging you about it. I don't need to hear about how your back hurt, how many times a day you puked, or how your niece had gestational diabetes so bad she had to give herself 4 insulin shots a day. It has nothing to do with me.

I'm going to have to go on some sort of medication when people start touching my belly.