I am annoyed.
I have lost some weight recently which leads me on the journey to buy some new jeans. I currently own 2 pair of jeans that fit, sort of. Right after they come out of the dryer, they aren't bad. After I wear them once, they need to be washed and dried again because I don't actually think you are supposed to be able to pull your jeans off without unbuttoning them. Washing my jeans every time I wear them, considering I own 2 pair, means Brandi is doing laundry almost every night and that is definitely not a good thing. So, I need some new jeans. Lane Bryant sent me a coupon, so I went in today to use it.
They've completely revamped their jeans line and pretty much done away with every pair of jeans that ever thought about fitting me properly. They have now have what they are calling the "Right Fit" line of jeans. I notice immediately that all of the jeans are either boot cut or flare leg. I don't think flare leg jeans are flattering on anyone, and boot cut are only practical for a few types of shoes, most of which are not ones that I wear on a daily basis, but these are my options. There's three different colors which represents the body type they are supposed to work for, and then there is a whole new sizing system, 1-9. Huh?
Let me go off on a tangent here to say that I am a plus-sized girl. I know that I am plus-sized. Although I'm not over-joyed about it, I don't cry myself to sleep every night either. I am not a size 4, 5, 6....I don't even think I can ever remember being a size 10. So don't rename the sizes on the jeans in the plus-sized women's store to sizes 1-9. You are not making me feel any better about myself, nor are you kidding anyone. Big jeans are big jeans whether you call them a 3 or a 22, so just call them something I can relate to and don't have to use your "special tape measure" to figure out what freakin' size I need to try on.
A salesgirl walks over because she can see by the confused look on my face as I stare are the red, yellow and blue signs that I have no clue what jeans I need to try on. She grabs the handy-dandy Right Fit tape measure and proceeds to bear hug me as she measures my waist, all while I'm trying to move my arms and purse out of the way so that she doesn't measure those as well. She decides that I should try a 4, maybe a 5, and probably the red group but she grabs a couple of yellows too. She picked up Average length, and if you don't know I'm 5'1" and average length jeans have never been the right length for me. But I play along and follow her to the dressing room.
The red 5 average are about 9 inches too long, and the waist is so big in the back I could probably stick a football down there. She comes over to tell me that those are too big, because I am not capable of realizing that myself. I obediently walk back inside to try on the red 4, and also discover that while it's closer to fitting it is also too big. "Try the yellow 4 on," she says, "because the red 4 waist is a different size than the yellow, and the blue 4 waist size is different as well." Huh? Does it make ANY sense to have three pair of jeans, all a "size 4", and NONE of them have the same waist measurements?? No, it does not. But I obey and back into the fitting room I go.
The yellow 4 average are too small. They won't even button. Well, they might have buttoned if I had laid down in the floor and had someone stand above me to pull the zipper up, but how functional are jeans that you can only lay in? So while she's running around getting stuff for another customer, I decided to try on the yellow 5. Guess what?! They are TOO BIG. I can remove them without undoing the buttons, and they are also about a foot too long. Good grief. I heard my salesgirl outside the door so I opened it and informed her that the yellow family is not going to work. Off she runs in search of a red 3 petite.
She comes back with a red 4 petite, and although I am pretty sure the waist is going to be too big just like it was in the average, I humor her and try them on. Obviously she forgot what I had tried on, but in her defense she was the only person helping 3 of us and we were all trying to find the right color, size, and length jeans. Red 4 petite, too big and still about 2 inches too long. I'm standing on them. I don't want to wear high water jeans, but unless I wear some heeled shoes or really chunky soles, I would be walking on the back of these "petite" jeans and then they will look scruffy and that is tacky. I'm not paying $40 for jeans I plan on tearing up, nor do I wear heeled shoes every day. I'm practical. I want to be able to wear sneakers with my jeans.
She finally comes back and tells me that they do not have a single pair of red 3 petite jeans in the bootcut length, but she does have a pair of red 3 average bootcut and red 3 flare petite, so if I want to try those I can at least determine if the red 3 is the correct waist size. Sounds like a great plan, so I go back into the fitting room.
They won't button.
When I got home I decided to log on to lanebryant.com and see what their online charts had to say. I entered in my measurements to see what the computer would tell me my "Right Fit" jean was...Yellow 7. In case you don't remember, I tried on a yellow 5 and they were too big. But according to the website, I should be a yellow 7. Do these people even know what they are doing?