Tuesday, February 3, 2009

An awkward emotion

Last weekend my brother called me to inform me that I was to be an aunt again. They had received a positive result on a pregnancy test about an hour earlier. You know I adore my niece, and I'm going to adore my next niece/nephew just as much. A tiny part of me couldn't help but hurt though.

We've not had the best luck with my reproductive system. Things have not been quite right for some time now. I went off the pill between two and three years ago, hoping that at some point within that time frame something would happen for us but with no luck. When my brother called me almost three years ago to let me know they were expecting Kylie I cried and cried...not to him of course, but to my Mom, my Dad, my husband. It seemed so unfair that my little brother should have kids first. I was the oldest and it was supposed to be me that had the first grandbaby. I eventually got over that feeling and somewhere during the next couple of years I just assumed that I would be next.

My assumption was wrong, as assumptions generally tend to be. Had I any idea the mess that birth control pills would cause on my system I would have never allowed one to touch my lips. I would have found some other way to prevent before I was ready. I shed a couple of tears at the news of the newest addition to the family, but nothing like the first time around. I suppose crying over something I don't really have control over does no good, but it still happens. I'm 31...I just assumed by now I would have a child or two. It feels like most people do.

It's a double-edged sword. On one hand it's so nice to go and do as we please. We go to concerts, sporting events, the ballet, musicals....we are one of the last couples to leave when we have get togethers with our friends because we don't have to put the kids to bed or relieve the baby-sitter. We can come home from work and play Guitar Hero all evening and no one cares. If we want to run off for the weekend, it's not a big deal. If we want to go to the midnight movie, we can. I'll miss that freedom, that flexibility. But at some point all that stuff gets put aside and you raise a family, right?

I have a doctor's appointment on February 9th, and if you are a praying person I would appreciate some prayers on our behalf. Prayers that we can figure out what is causing our problems and make it right...prayers that I can continue to be patient and allow God to do what He's going to do.

10 comments:

{S} said...

((((((hugs)))))) I'm happy for your family and understandably sad for you. It will happen. Keep the faith. I will continuously pray for you guys. I think you'd make incredible parents!
Congrats at being an auntie again! :~) ((((hugs))))

Yes, I watched BL! OMGawd! I'm so glad Joelle is gone, she really needs a mental examination. Scary! It's too bad Carla had to go through the public humiliation to realize that Joelle would never change. She looked great in her interview though. I'm happy for her.
Now that Aubrey chick, what a pot stirrer she is! I was really appalled at her remarks, of not buying excuses and the scale doesn't lie... ya, we saw that when she returned with only 2 pounds lost in a month. I'm hoping she goes home next. LOL

Cindy said...

You will be in my prayers. You have no idea how much of what you said reflects my feelings at times. I truly hope they discover the cause of the issue so that you can have the children you desire.

Angy said...

Brandi,

You know I understand. I will definitely be petitioning God for you. After losing our second child and before we knew we were pregnant with Caleb a great friend of mine called to tell me she was pregnant. I was so sad and cried for days. Hers was unexpected due to antibiotics and bc not mixing. And she was in a bad marriage so it couldn't have come at a worse time for her. So, believe I really do understand. You are awesome and will make a wonderful mom some day. I hope it is sooner than you think. Love ya!

Sherri said...

Your feelings are understandable. My bil and his wife had the same experience when we got pregnant with the first grandchild. When it happens, it will change everything about your life and schedule. Prayers being said for both items you mentioned! Let us know what the doc says. {hugs}

TammyB said...

(((hugs))) I'll be sending up prayers that one day, when the time is right, you'll get what you want.

I'm also glad Joelle is gone! This is the first time I've watched BL on a regular basis.

Laurie said...

ginormous ((hugs)) my friend. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

Amber said...

**hugs** You guys are always in our prayers....but I will say an extra. Feel free to borrow until God blesses you with your own!! ;)

Brenda is SO Blessed said...

Brandi, not much i can say other than you will be in our prayers. We had the same experiences (both my SIL's were pregnant x 2 when we were trying). I can only tell you that going to the Dr for an evaluation is the best thing you can do. I have PCOD (poly-cystic ovarian disease) and it made it difficult to get pregnant--and all kinds of good things. You will remain in my prayers

Fuzzy White Dogs said...

(((hugs)))

hollybirdy said...

Hugs.... I too had major issues after coming off the pill. I had PCOS symptoms too. I felt the exact same way with the first grandchild bit....I am so sorry and do hope and pray that you will have good news to report soon. Blessings!