Last weekend my brother called me to inform me that I was to be an aunt again. They had received a positive result on a pregnancy test about an hour earlier. You know I adore my niece, and I'm going to adore my next niece/nephew just as much. A tiny part of me couldn't help but hurt though.
We've not had the best luck with my reproductive system. Things have not been quite right for some time now. I went off the pill between two and three years ago, hoping that at some point within that time frame something would happen for us but with no luck. When my brother called me almost three years ago to let me know they were expecting Kylie I cried and cried...not to him of course, but to my Mom, my Dad, my husband. It seemed so unfair that my little brother should have kids first. I was the oldest and it was supposed to be me that had the first grandbaby. I eventually got over that feeling and somewhere during the next couple of years I just assumed that I would be next.
My assumption was wrong, as assumptions generally tend to be. Had I any idea the mess that birth control pills would cause on my system I would have never allowed one to touch my lips. I would have found some other way to prevent before I was ready. I shed a couple of tears at the news of the newest addition to the family, but nothing like the first time around. I suppose crying over something I don't really have control over does no good, but it still happens. I'm 31...I just assumed by now I would have a child or two. It feels like most people do.
It's a double-edged sword. On one hand it's so nice to go and do as we please. We go to concerts, sporting events, the ballet, musicals....we are one of the last couples to leave when we have get togethers with our friends because we don't have to put the kids to bed or relieve the baby-sitter. We can come home from work and play Guitar Hero all evening and no one cares. If we want to run off for the weekend, it's not a big deal. If we want to go to the midnight movie, we can. I'll miss that freedom, that flexibility. But at some point all that stuff gets put aside and you raise a family, right?
I have a doctor's appointment on February 9th, and if you are a praying person I would appreciate some prayers on our behalf. Prayers that we can figure out what is causing our problems and make it right...prayers that I can continue to be patient and allow God to do what He's going to do.