Friday, February 12, 2016

One Month

It's been one month since we lost Pam. Some days it's still hard to believe that it was all real and wasn't some horrible dream. I have the small pamphlet from her funeral sitting on my desk just above my laptop screen and occasionally I will glance at it and think to myself "Was that real?" I've talked to my Dad more in the past month that I think I did the six months prior, and that's okay.

Some days it's ok, life is busy and it's easy to not let it get to you. Other days it's more difficult. It just seems so unfair, but then that seems like such a childish thing to say. We were all made to die. It's part of life. I just wish it wasn't part of mine yet.

I've been to two funerals so far in 2016, and could've attended a third had work not been so crazy that I couldn't get away to Mount Pleasant for the day. On the way from Pam's funeral to the graveside, I received a text from Mandy that said, "She's gone." Her life long best friend, Ginger, had just passed away after liver cancer took over her poor body. She's younger than me and has a son who is Kate's age. I've met Ginger a handful of times but felt like I knew her so much better because of Mandy. It was hard...I hated to know my friend was suffering a loss and that I couldn't be there for her, and all the while she felt guilty for not being here with me during our loss. But she was in Georgia, standing at Ginger's bedside when she took her final breath. We had her memorial service in Waxahachie where she grew up this past weekend. Then just this past week my best friend lost her grandfather. I couldn't get away to the graveside, and I felt bad for not being able to be there. I'm not sure I had much strength to offer anyway. I've just felt pretty emotionally drained since this year started. I'm sincerely hoping that my record for one funeral per month in 2016 is broken in March. So far I'm 2 for 2.

So life keeps moving forward. We've been busy with work, school, activities. Kate went to the stock show with Yiayia and Bill. Pop came and spent a weekend with us and went to church with us. Nick and I went to the symphony on a date night. Joe and Robbie made a quick visit to Texas while Nick was in Mississippi for work. Kate celebrated her 100th day of school. just keeps moving.

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